Day 5: Falling in love again

‘Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
       for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
       great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
       therefore I will wait for him.” ‘ (Lamentation 3:22-24)

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02.20 AM: Felix look-alike came again

It was my usual midnight waking-up. I think, this habit goes back from my early childhood when I was about 3 or 4 years old. I wake up an hour or two past midnight and then eat anything I can find. Once my mom even had to make me scrambled egg at 3.30 AM. That is one fond memory among so many about her.

About 2 or 3 weeks ago, I woke up and found a cat outside my bedroom. It looks like Felix The Cat in the cartoon. Apparently, it came through the balcony’s door that has a gap below enough for it to go in. I shooed it away and told it that I didn’t have any food to offer. It looked at me with a look of curiousity; I think it knew that I like cats and that was why it didn’t seem to be afraid of me. But it went away via the roofs, occassionally looking back at me.

Well, it came back again. Perhaps it has been coming and going all this time without my knowledge. I wish I could keep it. But, the house is basically a ruin and there is no one to take care of it. I come home late every day. There will be no one to feed the cat during the day.

So, I ate my banana and said goodbye again to Felix.

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06.30 AM: One fine morning

Another day to live and it was one fine morning. I remember a Gospel song I used to listen: ‘I keep falling in love with You over and over and over and over again…’ Well, my life is a love story with Jesus where I keep falling in love again with Him, despite my unfaithfulness. And, He always takes me back. In fact, He’s always waiting for me to come back just like the father in the prodigal son parable, who always looks out on the street in case his son finally comes home. I’m the adulterous wife of Hosea and the prodigal son, yet also the blessed one to receive His undeserved love and grace.

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12.00 AM: A lunch date with GOD 

Since about three weeks ago, I’ve been trying to come to a Christian fellowship service organized by Christians who work at the building where I work.  It’s held every Friday and I used to come regularly until mid 2006, I think, then I stopped and went astray.

I went again today. It was a lunch date with the Lord. The topic was exorcism by a once shaman turned Christian preacher. He has a good reputation in Indonesia. But honestly, I am never really drawn into the subject. I do believe that the power of the Holy Spirit within those who have accepted Jesus Christ as GOD and Saviour is beyond the spirits of the World. Still, I am blessed with a prayer I can express truly from the bottom of my heart as well as heartfelt songs of praise unto Him.

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07.50 PM: The invitation

I just finished reading another counselling article on RBC’s. It’s about the burdens in life that make people just want to run away. I remember last year, at the beginning of my depression, I badly wanted to pack up and go to any place to escape from reality. I went to the island of Lombok to give myself a chance to recharge. It did not work out because I did not plug in to the right outlet. I did not go away to pray and ask GOD to help me. Instead, I tried to divert my mind from depression to one of my hobbies.

Well, the invitation has always been there for me; the Lord has said: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” It took me a year of worsening depression to comprehend what it really means. But, now I’ve finally understood. Thank You, Lord, for opening my eyes and for the peace You give me.

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