Thorn in the flesh

“…there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

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There are a lot of secular and religious clichés I could quote to appease my mind when faced with troubles. I could say, GOD is enough for me – when I feel so lonely and long for companionship and romance. I could say, all things that have beginnings have ends. I could say, c’est la vie. I could say, GOD will make everything beautiful in His time. I could say many wise things that I could think of.

But, there is always one thing that gets at me more than others. There is always one thing that weakens me more than others. There is always a thorn in my flesh that I plead to GOD to be rid of and yet He simply says: “My grace is sufficient for you.” And for me, that will be my longing to have a life partner, to find my Joshua man, and to have a big warm loving family I’ve always dreamed of. This desire leads me to temptations often times. Being a hybrid spiritual being, as a human, my spirit knows that GOD only can fill the void in my soul and longs for GOD  and yet my heart and mind long for the visible companionship. Sometimes, relying on what you know – that GOD is with you and He is enough – can be a difficult struggle. Many times, I have fallen short of having been able to really live what I know about GOD. And, at my most broken moments, I come before Him, pleading to take the thorn away…

But, this is life as a Christian and a single woman. This is part of the cross I have to bear. This is the thorn I have to suffer, for the time being or even perhaps forever as GOD sees best in perfecting me for eternal life. There will be troubled nights with tears when I have to rely on what I know and believe about GOD and nothing else to be able to endure.

His grace is sufficient for me, even when I cannot feel that way…

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