“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” (James 4:1)
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I had a colleague who used to tell me that his grey shirt was blue. Everybody else was saying it was grey, but him. He wasn’t color blind. I guess, it was a matter of opinion and definition.
Once, I joined a leadership training and there was a session on effective communication. A game was played to illustrate how messages were transmitted and how the recipients actually perceived them. We were divided in groups, each with a leader. The facilitator gave each leader a picture to see and memorize. Afterwards, each leader must give instructions to his group members to draw the picture. Simple though it was, some groups didn’t get it right. They didn’t get the intended message. Some people say oval is round. Some people say square is rectangle. Some people draw a circle for an ellipse. Some people draw a rectangle for a square. Interpretation. Misinterpretation. Some things get lost in translation.
No wonder I find a group of my friends entangled in a rather negative misunderstanding with another group of my friends. The first have their own view and so do the second. But, they cannot understand (dare I say, they don’t try hard enough to understand) each other’s point of view. Discussion cannot bridge it, because each insists on the other taking their point of view instead. There is no way they can meet half way. In the end, they are all disappointed.
I understand them both, being a neutral and being a stubborn one myself. Each has a valid point. But each has a flawed argument as well. Had they tried to suspend their negativity to discuss and negotiate, perhaps they would have come up with a win-win solution.
I learn that one has to try to understand where other people are coming from. Otherwise, we’ll get stuck with our point of view – doesn’t matter if we’re right – and get disappointed because the other people just cannot understand and will not budge. I know that sometimes, there is no win-win solution because the other party is simply stubborn. But, we still need to understand their point of view simply for the sake of not having to be too upset because our expectation is not met.
Well, I guess it all comes down to pride. Sometimes, it’s difficult to accept that other people cannot see things the way we do. We won’t compromise because compromise feels like a defeat. How true what the Scripture says: Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
For sure, it’s wisdom we ought to seek always and not quarrels.
